So you think you have it bad?

In parts of Florida, it is against the law to park an elephant at a parking meter, have sex with a porcupine or fart in a public place after 6 p.m. It may sound silly, but idiotic, obscure laws like these are still on the books in many towns in Florida. Of course they usually (unless the circus is in town) go unenforced, yet legally they are ordinances and statutes that carry fines if broken.

In Miami Beach under Sec. 10-7, it is forbidden to have a pig. In Broward County, Sec. 39-300 says that hot dog vendors who are inappropriately attired shall be considered to cause a hazard or impediment to traffic. They are forbidden to show cleavage, anal cleft or any portion of the female breast. And in Tampa, under Sec. 14-96, it is illegal for a female to expose her breasts, even while performing in a topless establishment.

What’s really scary, though, is that more idiotic laws are being passed today. In October, 2003, Florida State Senator Les Miller sponsored legislation to ban “suicide as entertainment” in response to the rock group Hell on Earth’s plans to feature a suicide on stage during one of their concerts in St. Petersburg. The suicide was intended as a statement in support of the right-to-die movement, although some critics claimed it was a publicity stunt. The bill would make it illegal to commit “self-murder” – a term already in the Florida statutes – and punishable with a $5,000 fine and up to five years in prison.

And just this month in Orlando, Eric Montanez, an activist for the homeless, was arrested for breaking a city ordinance: feeding homeless people in public. Montanez, who is a member of the group Food not Bombs, was charged with feeding over 25 people in a public park. Certainly some laws are meant to be broken.