Dear students,

Drunken escapades are usually not the smartest idea, especially when you threaten cops and tell them to tase you.

Instead of “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” it should be “Drunk Students Say the Stupidest Things.” This week’s police blotter features multiple drunk situations that the FAU police responded to, making you wonder, “What were they thinking?”

Case of the girl who cried wolf…or rape

Overview: A student was found naked in her bathroom when her roommate came home. She was escorted to her bed, but when the campus police were called to the scene she was “disoriented, thrashing around in bed and extremely intoxicated.” She was taken to Boca Raton Regional Hospital. Campus police were called to the hospital because the student mentioned rape to one of the nurses treating her.

What happened?

According to a roommate who walked in on the student having sex, “[She] was not resisting the male and she was ‘clutched onto the guy and enjoying what she was doing.’”

One suite mate said that the student’s behavior had been an issue since they moved in. “[She] has been constantly bringing different guys to her room to have sex as well as drinking alcohol every night…[she] posts comments on her Facebook page advertising guys to come over to her room and bring alcohol.”

First off, rape is a serious allegation. Drunk or not, you shouldn’t claim something happened when your actions obviously say otherwise.

Secondly, every night a new guy?

Not only does that appear to be  a serious psychological problem, it is also a safety issue. According to the Palm Beach County Department of Health, the West Palm Beach/Boca Raton metropolitan area has the fifth highest AIDS rate at 48.5 people per 100,000 people.

Beer Muscles

Overview: A dorm party was broken up. Two wasted resident students got loud and started acting violent toward the police and RAs.

Student One: “Your rules are fucked up and I don’t give a fuck. You can’t do anything to me. Fuck you. Tase me, kill me. I have a gun.” Then, he pointed his finger at the officer.

Student One: “I have meth, crack, coke and other shit in my room, fuck you.”

Both students started yelling belligerently that they “can drink and there’s not a fucking thing that can be done because it’s legal.”

Both students: “Throw me out. I don’t give a shit. Fuck your rules.”

Student One: “I drink and smoke pot and you can’t do a fucking thing about it.”

Student Two: “I drink and it’s not against the law so you can’t fuck with me.”

Student One: “I don’t care about the Dean, throw me out.”

Let’s break this down. Student one is 19. Student two is 20. Last time I checked, you have to be 21 to drink.

“You can’t do anything to me?” Yes they can. Both students were kicked out of housing. Makes you wonder what their motives were. Did they want to get kicked out?

Secondly, smoking pot is definitely illegal. Who taught these students about Florida laws?

Don’t let these things happen to you.