Everybody has that one special place they like to go to when facing intense stress or anxiety. However, when facing bladder-related problems, there is a different place we need to go to — the restroom. Everyone’s idea of the “ideal bathroom” is different, but it is generally accepted that most people would prefer to do their business in solitude. Unfortunately, in public places like FAU, solitude is a limited resource, and our business offices must be shared with other eager employees who sometimes seem to struggle with the art of cleaning up. It’s at times like these when students like myself begin their journey to find El (Baño) Dorado. In an attempt to create a guide for students struggling with holding it in, I went around campus asking students what bathrooms were their favorite and why. During this study, I realized that our standards on what makes a restroom “perfect” differ greatly. In my best attempt, this is my guide to the top seven locations where a student can just let go and feel the freedom that comes with finding a hidden jewel on Earth.

High above the main three floors of the S.E. Wimberly Library lies a realm of reality unknown to many students but the few daring enough to wonder. It is here where one of the top restrooms in this school is located. According to library rules, floor four is considered a “silent” zone, and is great for students who really want to focus on their work, but it also has a popular reputation among bathroom-enthusiasts at FAU. Unlike most spots, these bathrooms are singular. That’s right, once you snag the room, it’s all yours. Welcome to paradise. But not only is this spot intimate and silent, it is very clean as well. According to sophomore Nick Santos, “the fourth floor [bathroom] is the cleanest place. Quiet people are clean people.” Don’t be thrown off by the restrooms near the elevators: those are the bait for the freshmen who don’t know any better. Getting off the elevators, make a hard right and go all the way down where you will make a left. Take a look; you will have arrived at the promised land.

Key Feature: Absolute privacy. The two single, unisex bathrooms save students from any awkward interactions with other bathroom goers. Also, students don’t have to be discreet when checking themselves out in the mirror.

To many commuters to FAU, Heritage Park Towers is just the place where everyone had to stay for freshmen orientation. However, a good amount of students here consider HPT to be their home away from home. Heritage Park Towers are the student dorms right in between the Breezeway’s south entrance and the Student Union building. According to sophomore Max Kagno, this is the place to be. Each person who has a dorm in this building has access to their own private restroom. However, downstairs, there is still a general bathroom that anyone in the building can use if needed, but nobody needs it because most people inside this building have their own private restroom. It definitely helps that the first floor bathrooms are singular like the 4th floor library, and to make it even more exclusive, not everyone can have access to this spot — one can only get in to HPT if he has a key. Translation: it is usually empty, so you never have to wait or worry about the bathroom being gross. So for those of you dying to feel the Heritage Park Experience©, you either need to be a resident or simply befriend someone who is. Once you’re in the club, welcome, and enjoy.

Key Feature: Exclusive, very exclusive. Almost too exclusive.

Anyone who has ever seen a movie at the Living Room Theater knows that for post-film activities, there is no place better than the CU building restrooms. Personally, I prefer the second floor bathroom, but there are three floors, and many people have different opinions. Senior Nick Palmieri notes that the restroom’s “color scheme” creates a “cozy” atmosphere to do your business. But style means nothing without sanitation, and oh how CU cleans up. The soap smells good, the towels feel right, the floors are spotless, and the sinks are dry enough to lay down your books while you go. Get there at the right time of day, and you can do whatever you want. Seriously! CU bottom floor restrooms are the place to be. Just don’t go there on a Sunday (aka senior movie day).

Key Feature: Independent movies just feel right after a nice pit stop at this location.

There is not much to say about this spot except the fact that nobody goes here. It took me fifteen minutes to even find out what the Majestic Palm Room is. Honestly, who goes here? Well, some people certainly do because it made it to the list. Apparently, even despite this spot’s proximity to the Student Union and the Cafeteria — the two grossest spots on campus — it manages to be clean and secluded enough to be used by students who know the significance of a clean, proper restroom. I guess one can say that this location really knows how to make it’s visitors feel majestic. Junior Kyle Fogel, a business major, agrees. “Trust me, I’m there everyday,” he says. These restrooms are a true a gem.

Key Feature: Literally no one goes there.

This spot is great for students who want to feel artsy while doing their thing. It’s also close enough to the Breezeway to attract anyone with a minuscule sense of sanity to realize that you just don’t use the Breezeway bathrooms. This spot attracts a diverse audience due to its proximity to many different types of classrooms. Like freshman Lucas Almeida notes, “[PA restrooms are] close to most of my classes, so doing business there is easy.” Sometimes, we just need to take it easy, and this spot is the best place to do so.

Key Feature: The Art Gallery is right outside on the way to the bathroom. Makes you feel creative when going.

Yeah, it’s true, this spot is in the Student Union, and everyone knows that Student Union restrooms are a big “NO” on any list. But this one is different. According to Junior Stella Alves, this spot is silent and usually empty. Walking in to one of these bathrooms is like taking a step into an alternate reality in which SU floor one isn’t so smelly and loud and is actually inhabitable. Heck, you can even do your homework or read a book because it’s so quiet! These restrooms are like something from The Twilight Zone, and between the serenity and sanitation, it’s no wonder that many students prefer this location over others.

Key Feature: Soap smells AMAZING. Hands down the best smelling soap on campus.

Engineering East is like the Hawaii of the FAU Boca campus. Personally, I have never been to Hawaii, but I’m sure their restrooms are just as amazing as this location’s. Among all the engineering majors I spoke to, this building was overwhelmingly chosen as the top spot to go. More of a resort than anything else, these bathrooms are high-tech, pretty, and clean. Their seats are comfortable, and their floors are spotless. For most students, its inconvenient location means that Engineering East won’t be on anyone’s emergency list anytime soon. But the bathroom gods would not have it any other way; Engineering East is a luxury and must be experienced with a clarity of mind.

Key Feature: “Their Mitsubishi Jet Towel will provide a hand drying experience like no other at FAU.” -John Paul Morrissee, Junior, Engineering Major.

Sometimes I wonder why the administration building is open to anyone who feels like walking in, but something tells me its not for the same reason that I go. To me, this spot is where it’s absolutely at. It is empty almost all the time, and it’s cleaner than the food court kitchens. I really don’t know how it’s so perfect. Maybe FAU administration staff just knows how to keep it clean, or maybe this area is assigned more custodians than any other. Regardless, this location is truly the salt of the earth as far as bathrooms go. The administration building’s restrooms are so great that I honestly believe they should be included in college tours for incoming freshmen. Forget the stadium, had I known this spot existed, I would’ve committed to FAU in the sixth grade. That’s how much I believe in this restroom. So, so much. If you plan on checking this place out, just remember to keep it clean, and don’t ruin it for anybody else(me).

Key Feature: Stalls go very low to the ground, creating a nice boxed in feeling when going.